by Zac Smith
Okay so like get this as usual some dumbass idiot lady orders a shitty sandwich and potato chips and a big fat coffee drink like everyone else basically lol and I tell her it's whatever idk like $14.95 and she roots her old ass wrinklewaggers around in her tacky ass fabric-lined snap wallet thing for cash lol right cash if you can believe it and gives me a crispy $15 so like you knowww I make sure to give her back that whole ass nickel in change bc you just knowww she has no plans on leaving me even a nickel tip even though her and I both know that we're obviously short staffed and I personally will have to make her stupid ass triple cream bullshit coffee bc Rodney is missing again like always and we're obviously slammed with all the high school kids and those ugly mom chicks from that office park and the old ass biddies all ordering big fat triple cream coffee plops but so like this is nuts tho like listen like when I ask if she wants a receipt like you always ask even tho no one ever wants a receipt bc come onnn like she ofc wants a receipt so I have to go back in the iPad menu thing and pull up the last order and print it and hand it to her all smiles mcgee you know and like I'm so ready for this bitch to move on but she straight up stands there looking at the receipt and holding up the big ass line like just straight up examinizing the receipt with her beady little gremlin peepers because she's old as shit ofc and then she stops and looks up at the menu board thing and is like You know honey your posted prices don't match what you charged me and I'm like Okay lol like so what the fuck am I gonna do about it and she's like The menu says the roast beef or whatever idk is supposed to cost $6.50 but you charged me $7.90 and it's like Okay again what do you want me to do about that because like idc I'm not running up a refund or whatever I don't even know how to do that on the iPad lol I can barely figure out how to go back to the last order receipt or even sub oat milk in half the drinks bc Eduardo never updated the iPad thing after we got oat milk which fucking sucks but whatever and then she's like And the potato chips are supposed to be one dollar but I was just charged two dollars yeah she actually said that potato chips lol and I'm just like Yep that's true you were lol and it's great bc her dumb ass is getting consternated and she's like You know it isn't right to post misleading prices and charge something else but then I remember Eduardo was supposed to update the menu board but he didn't yet so I said Well Eduardo was supposed to update the menu board but he didn't yet sorry and I'm thinking like Okay trashbag get the fuck off my line now we're done here but she's still standing there all vexed up and says You know it's actually illegal in this state to post misleading prices on your menu as if that shit matters to me lol like omg oh noo lady you're soo right lol and I just go Yeah Eduardo was supposed to update the menu board but he didn't yet but I'll get your coffee right out like the line is getting long as hell too bc this fuddyduddy's standing there all fumigated but idgaf about that I just make her a creamed up sloppy ass coffee and I'm just thinking the whole time like Are you seriously going to eat a beef or whatever sandwich and a bag of chips and a triple cream ass coffee for lunch that's fucking gross dude and when I give her her stinky coffee she's like You know I could call the cops about this bc what you guys are doing is dishonest and I very calmly and sweetly smile like how you're supposed to with dipshits like that and I just say that her roasted ass beef will be out shortly thank you for your patience but she's still all grumpleroonied and like I'm trying to pull another espresso because Danny just walked in you know the guy who always orders like six espressos but she's like and this is crazy if you ask me but she's like Um excuse me and fucking snaps her fucking fingers at me so I'm like ohhhhh okay nuh uh fuck this so I'm like Lady call the cops then you dumb cunt Eduardo isn't even here today he's in like jail or something idgaf and girl you should have seen her she was so mad like she literally stomped her feet and like scowled this big ass way like some cartoon character and then she straight up left and didn't even take her sloppy ass cream or king beefy lol she just hoofied it dumbass style and I was like Yo does anyone want this triple cream bullshit and some people laughed and one dude was like Yo for real tho? which was funny as fuck but then now they're saying I have to come in and identify her or some shit because she was apparently pulling this shit everywhere downtown and I guess she just like actually straight up lost it at Barbarella's because yo get this the waiters there were just going in on it hard and actually like stealing credit card numbers or some shit and Beth said this lady just straight the fuck up ran one of those dudes down with her car lmao and oh hold up also I got to bring her roasty beef sandwich home you wanna split it or nah
______
zac smith, suckazzz
[GO HOME.]